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‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*

  • Me:

    Hello?

  • Telemarketer:

    Hello, is your mother home?

  • Me:

    I have no mother.

  • Her:

    Well can I speak to your father?

  • Me:

    Yeah, which one?

  • Her:

    Which one is home?

  • Me:

    Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.

  • Her:

    Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?

  • Me:

    No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.

  • Her:

    So who's Antonio?

  • Me:

    I just told you, Carlos's ex.

  • Her:

    So Carlos was cheating?

  • Me:

    Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.

  • Her:

    So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?

  • Me:

    No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.

  • Her:

    So Mark wasn't cheating?

  • Me:

    I never said that.

  • Her:

    Yes, yes you did!

  • Me:

    No I didn't.

  • Her:

    Y-yes! You did!

  • Me:

    Did what?

  • Her:

    Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

kankristhighhighs:

In art class my friend rolled himself in bubble wrap and stayed like that the whole day. When he sat down in our math class the teacher told him to take it off and he didn’t want to so he said “long live the king” and rolled out the door and down the hallway. And all you could hear was the faint popping of the bubblewrap as he rolled away. My teacher never went after him. 


(Source: oathkeeping)

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